


Tell Me a Secret

by DarkAislinn



Series: Thedas [3]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Love, Love Confessions, Self-Doubt, The Landsmeet, Things We Learn From Our Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:25:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4435412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAislinn/pseuds/DarkAislinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She needed to get away, to think about what had transpired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me a Secret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zendelai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zendelai/gifts).



> This was actually a tumblr prompt from the lovely [Zendelai](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Zendelai/pseuds/Zendelai). It was a sentence meme and someone was supposed to prompt you with a pairing. Zen chose, "Tell me a secret." Nedra and Alistair?" And this is what happened.

“I choose Alistair.”

Those words,  _those three simple words_ , changed everything in a single heartbeat. She’d seen the look of shock and barely concealed betrayal that flashed across his features. She’d heard the sudden intake of breath from her friends behind her. She’d caught the eye of approval from Eamon and the cutting glare of hatred from Anora.

She’d appeared composed and in complete control. Despite her inner turmoil, guilt, and own questioning of herself, her voice never wavered or caught on a single syllable. Her words had rang out, loud and clear as crystal. She’d been every bit the commanding Grey Warden seeking to end the nightmare that Loghain had wrought upon them during a bleak and blighted time.

She’d graciously accepted the praise of having decided for all of Ferelden their fate; just as she was taught by Wynne and Leliana. She’d managed to conceal her worries and doubts without a blink of her emerald eyes. She thanked Morrigan for those lessons. She awarded Zevran and Shale the teachings of a quick and witty tongue when questioned by Anora in her decisions. She was going to be ever grateful to Sten for managing to school her features into almost stoic and expressionless.

Now though, while sitting alone on the cold, marble bench and bathed in pale, yellow moonlight, did she give Oghren a much needed thank you in those drinking lessons he’d hounded her about.

As she stared into the half drunk bottle of ale, she thought about Riordan and his urgency in needing to meet with her. In less than twelve hours, they were to march through Denerim and defeat the archdemon. Morrigan had also requested her presence before she’d quickly darted out of the castle and sought solace in the gardens.

Had she made the right decision? Had she chosen wisely? Should she have accepted Anora’s proposal? Was she unthinking in her course of action? These questions haunted her,  _gnawed_  at her.

Setting the bottle down next to her, she undid her carefully braided hair and ran her slender fingers through it. She refused to cry, yet unbidden did the hot sting of unshed tears burn her eyes. Alistair’s look was seared into her memory and it broke her heart.

At that moment, she wished she could meet Cullen in the library and hear his comforting voice. That thought caused another pang and she choked on a sob. How had everything she held dear and close to heart been destroyed? First her most cherished friendship – and admittedly her first love – with Cullen and now Alistair.

Could either one ever forgive her? Might she ever be able to forgive herself?

Her tears swelled over her lids and cascaded down her cheeks. The more she thought about everything, the harder it was to breathe. She suddenly felt suffocated and gulped down gasps of air as if her life depended on it. Her heart was beating so fast against her ribs that she feared it would stop at any second.

She leaned forward, arms wrapped around her middle, and silently sobbed. This was neither what she intended nor asked for. She’d wanted,  _hoped_ , to secure a good name for mages and elves alike, but so far it had brought only never ending misery, not to mention a death sentence.

She cried until her body ached and her throat was raw. Until she’d emptied herself of grief, guilt, doubt, worries, hurts and pains. She leaned her head back, her hair tickling the base of her spine, and breathed deeply.

“Maker, hear my cry,” she whispered, beginning the chant that brought her some peace.

“Nedra?”

She sucked in a breath, swiped at her tears and smoothed her hair. If she turned around, then he would see how red and splotchy her pale, freckled face was. He’d know she’d been crying and she couldn’t allow that. Not when everything hinged on their battle tomorrow. “Alistair,” she said, picking up the almost forgotten bottle and cradling it between her hands. “I would have thought you’d be speaking with Riordan.”

“No, I-I… Leliana said you came this direction and I thought, well… I wanted to see you – to talk to you about earlier.”

She was expecting this. Just because she was expecting it, didn’t mean it would hurt any less, however. Still unable to face him, she titled her head up towards the sky. “I’m always here to talk to, no matter what.”

“Will you look at me?”

She debated for half a second before acquiescing to his request. She turned towards him, sliding around easily on the marble, and met his gaze with an almost self-depreciating smile. “I’m all ears.”

He stood there, bouncing from one foot to the other, for a few solid awkward moments then heaved a sigh. “Why did you do it? Why did you make me King?”

She shook her head, chin trembling and sucked in a deep breath to keep the emotion from spilling out. “It was selfish,” she admitted. “I couldn’t stand the thought of Anora draping herself across the throne when you deserve it, when you could do for Ferelden like no other. But mostly, it was because I couldn’t stomach the thought of you marrying her and she bearing your children.” She ducked her head and bit her bottom lip so hard, that she tasted the copper of her own blood to keep from crying.

In three strides he was kneeling before her, one of his calloused hands capturing hers while the other slid under her chin. “I thought – I didn’t know what I thought, but I’m infinitely joyful that is your reasoning.”

She wanted to kiss him, to hug him until there was nothing in the universe except them, but she couldn’t. Her guilt weighed too heavily. A brief laugh escaped her dry, sore throat. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

His arms wrapped around her, his hands tucking her face against his neck as his fingers ran through her long, coppery tresses. “I know,” he whispered.

She couldn’t tell her tears from his. One minute he was hugging her against him and the next his lips were on hers in the most tender and loving kiss he’d ever given her. Both of them cried, their tears mingling together and neither one wanted to move.

He pulled away a fraction of an inch, his amber eyes staring into her emerald ones, hand smoothing her hair and tucking it behind her ear. “Tell me a secret,” his tone almost begging. “Tell me something true so none of this seems real.”

Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and down her cheeks. “A secret? I didn’t want you to be fated to the Wardens and doomed. Another secret? I don’t want you to be King because you’ll have to find a bride. A bride that isn’t me. You said it yourself that the taint makes it almost impossible to conceive a child and with two Wardens? How can we ever have a family, Alistair?”

“I love you,” he said softly, eyes bright with tears as he smoothed the hair from her face.

“I love you too.”

“We’ll make this work. I promise. King or not, I refuse to lose you.”

“Is that a secret?” she asked, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“After we defeat the archdemon tomorrow, I will announce it to the entire kingdom, but only on one condition.”

He wiped her tears away as she sniffed, fingers tangling in his hair. “And what’s that?”

“You have to survive,” he said, his tone serious and brooking no argument.

“Tell me a secret,” she whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> I debated on whether or not I wanted to post it as part of the Thedas series, but after much deliberation and thinking on this subject, I thought that it fit with the theme. Alistair and Nedra don't have an easy time with anything; from the Blight to their relationship to the events in DA2 to what happens in DA:I. So, conquering him being King and her, an Elven mage of Dalish background who are desperately in love, fit right in. 
> 
> It's been a while since I wrote anything and it feels so good to do it again. I'm sorry, so damn sorry, that I don't update anything quickly anymore. I'd get into it, but I'm sure my tumblr friends are tired of hearing it. I'm so glad that Zendelai prompted me for this. If you liked this, you need to thank her. She was the ultimate muse for this. :-)
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
